| Wednesday, May 02, 2007 |
| Hey Hey!! |
So all... I really am stinking at this whole blogging with consistency thing.
Why oh why!? I do not know... I think it's for several reasons:
1) I've been busy getting settled in at Bethany this week (which is rocking my world just so you all know).
2) I spend all my time with the talented, charming, (and dare I say) studly... Timothy Baerwald. It's really weird. You always critique your friends when they get married/engaged/deeply involved with someone because they kind of drop off the face of the earth. Confession time: I am one of them. The whole marriage/pre-marriage thing is WEIRD. Us Christian ladies from the moment we enter Bible College (even if we try to be the 'cool' girls and remain all independent and strong...) deep on the inside are plagued with the dream of a wedding one day. We think of all the details and talk about how we'd want our marriages to be... and really. That is all it is: is talk and thought. Nothing compares to the real realities that one faces once the real deal is on the doorstep. Hear me out - IT IS AMAZING. But, at the same time, I feel as though I am watching myself from the outside and observing this change/growth happening. Even as I watch it and accept it/struggle through it and work at liking me for ME... it's all this big jumble inside of me, EXCITING PEOPLE... LIFE IS EXCITING!!! So much going on....
3) I feel like I want to write about what is on my heart regarding LIFE... but I don't even know where to begin. Recently, I read a post on a friends blog talking about our involvement in the world and such... and how we really don't do too much or as much as we could. My heart has been so challenged on this in these last few months, and I feel as though I have been going through this phase of self-loathing/rejecting my home culture, etc... that it's almost debilitating. Being born a North American is really crazy. Truly, think of how we have come (and this is no fault of our own... something I struggle with is HUGE guilt for this) to simply accept the things that come so easily to us. Truly, how are we to know any better? This is the culture that we are ensconced within; we are not able to simply disassociate ourselves with our home culture, just as we are not able to completely disassociate ourselves in any other culture... But really. How then, do I balance my realities? A) I see hurt/need/etc out in the world, here in my own culture/society. B) I feel guilty that I am the way I am... and C) I feel challenged to to change and be more compassionate/active, but have ZERO idea where to start really... and then D) I go back to LOVE. What is it to LOVE truly? How can I forget Erica and LOVE with greater depth and fullness?
Aiy people... so all that combined have made it difficult to post. How to express myself? How to express the JOY that I feel in my heart - abotu my job, about my Tim, about my heart stuff, about EVERYTHING I feel......... It's so funny cuz in premarital counselling we have figured out (SURPRISE!!!???) that I am an "emotional person." NOT in that I am crazy emotional... but that I feel so many things at the same time that I'm a big jumble of emotions. HA! Wanna be in my brain for a day?? Good luck!
Oh yeah, and:
4) I want to post pictures. Soon my friends... soon! |
posted by Erica @ 10:05 p.m.  |
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| 2 Comments: |
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I hear you on being excited about dating, engagement and marriage. Life is full of ups and downs, joys and sorrows. Enjoy these times and cherish every min.
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Just want to say that I love you. Its hard not to.
Glad you're loving life my friend!
-Bonnie-
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Name: Erica
Home: Saskatoon, Saskatchewan
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The success of love is in the loving - it is not in the result of loving. Of course it is natural in love to want the best for the other person, but whether it turns out that way or not does not determine the value of what we have done.
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I hear you on being excited about dating, engagement and marriage. Life is full of ups and downs, joys and sorrows. Enjoy these times and cherish every min.