El Camino...: The impossible blog to write!

El Camino...

Es largo y profundo, pero voy a caminar el camino...

Monday, August 28, 2006

The impossible blog to write!

OK. So I've written and rewritten this blog a BILLION times. I just don't know how to say all that I want to say. Life is good right now; my only complaint is that this week was just so incredibly busy. I feel like I didn't even have a spare minute to process the billions of thoughts and emotions I had coming at me. I started my new job - it's good... lots of things to think about and process though. Not sure I want to say more until I've given it some time... have no fear, I'm sure I'll address this soon.

This week was such a mental battle regarding so much in my life. I think it climaxed in church this morning... as I sat listening to Dana's mom's (Lorna's) testimony I wept... for several reasons. Primarily; cuz God has seriously changed her life so much in this last year - hearing the healing and joy that she has experienced in these last few months was absolutely wonderful. Secondly; I wept at all the thoughts I had of areas in my life that I think I need to submit to Jesus. As the service wrapped up and the final song was sung, I prayed that I'd know how to wander back to him once more. Not that I've gone astray - in fact, I feel closer to God than I have in a long, long time... but it was moreso regarding the areas of my life that I've really tried to hold on to or that I've been unwilling to let Him work in.

I think in these last days as well, a large part of me has been focused on my heart and discovering how as a woman I am sensitive in so many ways that men aren't necessarily. Yesterday night as I drove out to Dalmeny to visit Tim while he was combining, I was once again struck at how I feel in this last couple months, God has really been molding my heart to become more and more "womanly..." I'm not even sure if this is something I want to share on here, but I think it's a part of what I'm learning, and so I shall... but seriously, it's weird to see a softening in my heart and a desire to be gentle and open with my sensitivities has begun. Before, I used to really think that I had to hide my sensitive spirit, or always put on my "brave face." I guess in a way, I feel as though I am maturing... but not just maturing maturing - I feel I'm becoming this woman. It's freaky in some ways, but excited me in others. All I know is I am excited to be this gentle, yet bold woman who firmly knows and believes that Jesus loves me immensely... that I am cherished by him and that he does have beautiful things in store for me and the old heartski.

To write this on here, I feel a little bit naked - like I'm exposing a part of me that people don't normally see. But I think it's good, it's OK. It's necessary...

posted by Erica @ 4:31 p.m.

4 Comments:

At 9:15 p.m., Janelle said…

i'm glad you wrote it! i hope it heals your heart a little bit.
and i'm sending hugs!!
keep searching my dear...as tough as it is sometimes, we always know that HE is walking with us. And life just wouldn't be the same if we had it all figured out.
At 12:27 p.m., Anonymous said…

ahy mi negrita tu carro es muy chevere es vacano... saludes de Kathy.. te quiero mucho.. chao
Atentamente: Tu monita y Kathy..
At 1:26 p.m., Erica R said…

My Dearest Erica,

Your heart is beautiful. Thanks for sharing - I find it so exciting that God is continuing to refine you.

P.S. - On a lighter note, guess who rediscovered DX Ball!
At 10:06 a.m., Sabrina said…

Hello there...

Who else could use "heartski" in such a touching way? Erica, your transparency is quite astounding.

As for the accounting question, email kenandsabs@yahoo.ca - Ken should be able to help you out a bit at least. Just don't ask him what the exchange rate is. He doesn't know, and doesn't care.

Can't wait to hear more about how Global Gathering is...

-Sabrina