"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to manifest the glory of God that is within us... And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." ( -Nelson Mandella)
Blog hopping tonight, and came across this quote on some random dudes blog... it's crazzzzy how many people are out there! But more importantly, this quote... geez man - soooo true! As anyone who reads this blog should know, I have been on a bit of a quest for myself en estos dias, and I am learning more and more that I actually desire to believe in myself more than I do... I have been realizing how much I have let disappointments in life beat me into submission, and compromise who I am and what I believe about myself. If life tells you enough times that you are stupid, fat, worthless, unlovable, etc. eventually, whether you desire to believe it or not, you begin to do that very thing: believe the lies.
Although many out there would say I am perhaps a bit overconfident, the truth is the very opposite is my reality. In my head I believe I will never amount to anything... and the truth is, is that although people have assured me of my "giftedness," I often have shrugged those assurances aside to rest on my doubts... however I think I have shrunk back because of the fear that what if they are right... I am tired of submitting myself to myself only to make others feel better.
The truth of the matter is: I love life here at Appleby, and I love living with Dana Fern Barrand, and sometimes I marvel at what exactly God is doing here. Quite frankly, I know it's nothing I am doing because my attitude and energy levels sometimes just aren't quite there... the truth of the matter is, I know I should be applying myself for better jobs, but I have shrunk back out of this idea that "I could never do it..." or in some twisted way, I have made myself believe that I will only ever work customer service jobs - NOT that there is ANYTHING wrong with that - but why can't I apply for a job with an actual organization and see if I get it or not? What is there to fear but my fear itself... I think I could do OK in a job working with human development/encouragement/something...
Who am I? I asked that question of myself several blog posts ago... and I think today I felt a piece of it - I am a confident young woman, I desire to be happy in life, and not get bogged down in my disappointments... I want to look at life with excitement and live it to the fullest... I don't want to look to the things around me to find satisfaction or fulfillment, but I do want to tackle the new things that come my way. I want to work my way up the mountains, even if it means descending into the valleys - I think that the view offers a lot going both directions? I say that now, but I hope I always mean it. Furthermore, I am a very sensitive person - I don't like when others' attitudes/disposition affects me, and I don't like thinking that my own attitude/disposition might negatively affect someone else. I want to see the beauty in all things, all people, all instances...
Like the blurry rainbow that disappeared into the dark, dark clouds tonight... that is what I want this life to be about - even when it gets dark in the middle, that rainbow always has to shine on the other side... hot dog I am learning so crazy much! |
hey love
yeah...i'm with you on your points there...i love that mandela quote...what a man. I am happy that you are saying who you are, being sensitive and realizing that you can do things. I see you doing things...Like maybe telling people who they really are, because i know that you see that kinda stuff...you are perceptive like i'm not not not. Ok...before i get sappy...i'll call this weekend...ish....: ) 1/4