| Sunday, July 23, 2006 |
| Pictures... |
The following are some photos I took while I was out on a photo taking expedition with my friend Yeni (Jenny)... I had a really good time a couple weeks ago just discovering Saskatoon with her. Funny how differently you see the world through the eyes of someone else. We had a really good talk about her first impressions here and how she first felt when arriving from Colombia. Man, I love my life...
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posted by Erica @ 9:08 p.m.  |
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| Wednesday, July 19, 2006 |
| My Dream for Today |
Today I wish that children around the world were being held in the loving arms of a parent...
Last night was possibly the worst night of my life... I have dealt with a lot of stuff personally; but nothing shakes me like the feeling of being powerless to protect another child. At 11:30 last night, a 14 year old girl from within our community showed up below our balcony calling our for Dana. Dana wasn't home, so I went down and let her in. Cheeks tear stained, shaking and cold I let this dear girl - a child - in to my apartment to listen to her tell me that her mother had kicked her out of their house because she came home too late. We talked for awhile, I tried distracting her by asking her about Canada and what she loves here and how she feels about her brothers and sisters... and eventually, I had to take her back home. I felt powerless in knowing what to do. Should I have just let her stay and not let her family know where she was? Did I do the right thing by taking her home and talking with her mother? I do not know, and today am plagued with guilt and self-doubt. There was more to her story that weighs on my heart and I do not know what to do with it - more and more I am becoming outraged by the treatment of children within our society... listening to Josh Groban sing about "...just believe..." on Yahoo music right now makes me think of all the over and under privileged children existing within our society - right in our midst children are suffering. Imagine around the world the treatment of children. Imagine being able to just believe and have life be better - for some kids, hope is a joke - they are trapped in families where they feel completely unloved and where they view running away or even being dead as greater alternatives than staying. I once was there - praise the LORD that He has changed my heart and my life. I am comstantly reminded lately of the gift of life being the very, very greatest gift He has given us all. What a reminder that was last night, but what a shock and discouragement at the same time. I am dying inside wishing I could make this world better for them and feeling like I can do nothing. Kids Club is one step... one step. Oh man how I wish I knew the answers to these things! Baby steps. I desire to effect change in the world around me. People unite, let us pray for and be ministers of peace in this world, lest we destroy the greatest gift the Lord has ever given anyone: LIFE. |
| posted by Erica @ 12:56 p.m. |
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| Friday, July 14, 2006 |
| Fun Picture! |
Thanks Karis and Joeline! Keep reading below, cuz there is an actual post, but I wanted to share a bit of Red Claw goodness with you all... yay for work... |
| posted by Erica @ 8:53 a.m. |
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| Wednesday, July 12, 2006 |
| My Friends Named Nelson |
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to manifest the glory of God that is within us... And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." ( -Nelson Mandella)
Blog hopping tonight, and came across this quote on some random dudes blog... it's crazzzzy how many people are out there! But more importantly, this quote... geez man - soooo true! As anyone who reads this blog should know, I have been on a bit of a quest for myself en estos dias, and I am learning more and more that I actually desire to believe in myself more than I do... I have been realizing how much I have let disappointments in life beat me into submission, and compromise who I am and what I believe about myself. If life tells you enough times that you are stupid, fat, worthless, unlovable, etc. eventually, whether you desire to believe it or not, you begin to do that very thing: believe the lies.
Although many out there would say I am perhaps a bit overconfident, the truth is the very opposite is my reality. In my head I believe I will never amount to anything... and the truth is, is that although people have assured me of my "giftedness," I often have shrugged those assurances aside to rest on my doubts... however I think I have shrunk back because of the fear that what if they are right... I am tired of submitting myself to myself only to make others feel better.
The truth of the matter is: I love life here at Appleby, and I love living with Dana Fern Barrand, and sometimes I marvel at what exactly God is doing here. Quite frankly, I know it's nothing I am doing because my attitude and energy levels sometimes just aren't quite there... the truth of the matter is, I know I should be applying myself for better jobs, but I have shrunk back out of this idea that "I could never do it..." or in some twisted way, I have made myself believe that I will only ever work customer service jobs - NOT that there is ANYTHING wrong with that - but why can't I apply for a job with an actual organization and see if I get it or not? What is there to fear but my fear itself... I think I could do OK in a job working with human development/encouragement/something...
Who am I? I asked that question of myself several blog posts ago... and I think today I felt a piece of it - I am a confident young woman, I desire to be happy in life, and not get bogged down in my disappointments... I want to look at life with excitement and live it to the fullest... I don't want to look to the things around me to find satisfaction or fulfillment, but I do want to tackle the new things that come my way. I want to work my way up the mountains, even if it means descending into the valleys - I think that the view offers a lot going both directions? I say that now, but I hope I always mean it. Furthermore, I am a very sensitive person - I don't like when others' attitudes/disposition affects me, and I don't like thinking that my own attitude/disposition might negatively affect someone else. I want to see the beauty in all things, all people, all instances...
Like the blurry rainbow that disappeared into the dark, dark clouds tonight... that is what I want this life to be about - even when it gets dark in the middle, that rainbow always has to shine on the other side... hot dog I am learning so crazy much! |
| posted by Erica @ 11:43 p.m. |
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| Sunday, July 09, 2006 |
| The heart of the Matter... |
| As I sit here tonight thinking that I need to post because it's been awhile, I am drawing a tid bit of a blank. Not sure what to say exactly. WEIRD! Today was a weird day... I woke up feeling like poop. I haven't been feeling well lately, and today was no different - not fun when I had to open at the Claw this morning. Anyway, I dragged myself out of bed, and headed off to work... work that I have SUCH a love-hate relationship with! I went out with a friend yesterday and rattled on excessively about how much I hate serving at the Claw, but then today I had such a good day with the other girls that I liked it again... it's so weird how pliable my emotions are. I would compare myself to a bouncey ball actually. One day, one minute I am strong, feel great, feel confident in life and living it and all that comes with that, and the next I am dissatisfied and feel there is such room for improvement. Honestly though, at the end of the day, life is just so very sweet and good. Dana and I went for a walk around the neighbourhood tonight, and with complete sincerity of my heart, there is no better feeling in this entire world than having one of these kids run up to you screaming your name, describing what they are doing (which often involves very, very random activities... ie, pouring water into a bread bag. Why? Why not... there is a puddle, there is a bag, let's put said water in said bag and call it a pie???? OK kids...), jumping up so high they practically hit your neck with their little skinny legs. What on earth does this life have in store for me?? Goodness gracious, I just do not know! Ahhhh life... how I wish I could figure you out, yet how I soooo love living you with all the randomness you bring with you! |
| posted by Erica @ 10:21 p.m. |
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| Sunday, July 02, 2006 |
| I am a Murderer. |
Yes people; it is true... I have killed my first. And the guilt that weighs upon my shoulders is vicious. VICIOUS. Poor little guy didn't even see it coming - alas, it is gopher season, and the poor little jaspers just want to frollick in the countryside. Unfortunately for me, today that little guy wanted to play with my tires, and I'm not gonna lie - I yelled and had to fight the instinct to swerve into oncoming traffic in avoiding my furry little friend. As I watched his body tumbling down the highway after me, I couldn't help but be saddened. Now, I know it's a gopher (not a hedgehog hehe... inside joke, sorry) and not a human being or anything crazy like that, but let us think on this another way.
No one cares about the gophers, cuz they are just one in a million right? Well, lately I've been feeling that way about the people here in Appleby Drive - no one really cares about them because they are just one in a million. No way of helping them, no way of helping the millions of refugees around the world, so easier just to pretend they don't exist, or easier to remain unknowing about the needs in our society. Today in church I found it almost frustrating to once again hear a sermon on not becoming comfortable in the middle ground, happy, easy path of life. So often I find myself drawn there, but today I am reminded again of the need to help that one person in whatever way I can. I am reminded that I want to (ultimately) live a different life. Dana and I are here for now... but even so, I can not imagine moving away from here. I think I would feel like I was turning my back on the gophers that are needing to be seen...
I was even thinking globally on this the other day with all that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have done for bringing attention to the refugee needs around the world. How crazy is it that in all of Hollywood, of all the money that there is just floating around, only one couple is doing anything with their time and money to make change happen. Hmmm... not sure this is making sense or that my point - which I am not stating to guilt or cause chagrin or anger towards myself - is coming across. However, think on it - be open to learning, be open to being real with yourself. And finally, watch out for those innocent little gophers... they need love too! Hehehe... |
| posted by Erica @ 11:44 p.m. |
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| About Me |
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Name: Erica
Home: Saskatoon, Saskatchewan
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The success of love is in the loving - it is not in the result of loving. Of course it is natural in love to want the best for the other person, but whether it turns out that way or not does not determine the value of what we have done.
Mother Teresa |
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