Es largo y profundo, pero voy a caminar el camino...
Sunday, January 28, 2007
Pepsi, Pistachios... and Youth Advance!
These days while my wonderful Fernie is away, learning of the good things God is doing in this world - I am left alone here in our humble abode in Appleby Drive. The silence has been wonderful and deafening all at the same time. Many nights I have sat on the couch (alone) and eaten pistachios (alone) and imbibed Pepsi (alone). Don't get me wrong, my reality shows - "So You Think You Can Dance", "The Real World Denver", "The Duel", "CSI", "Grey's Anatomy" etc... have kept me company. But I miss that little typer in the corner obsessed with keeping in touch with every blogger on the face of this earth... sigh.
Youth Advance is in 5 days. Dear me... today I am moving out to Bethany so that I can be there all this week. I took a week of "vacations" from Global. It'll be awesome I think - I'm so excited to just be out at Bethany and really focus and prepare for this weekend! Woooooooooo.....
And lastly; I need people to be commenting people. So the question you should answer in my comments area is: If you won a million dollars, what would you do with it? And don't be all modest and say; "oh I'd save it..." be adventurous, be crazzzzy, seriously - what would you buy?
Hehe... tis true folks! At last, the madness has passed... and I just wanna give a personal shout-out to my roomie Dana; who forever is faithfully by my side! Dana; you truly are a great friend... phenomenal roommate, and I do owe you a tremendous deal for the way you are still my friend even through all the ups and downs that this last year has been. Can you believe it's been 9 months already? WOW. Where has the time gone. You are a wonderful human being; a wonderful friend, and most of all, a wonderful roommate. Where would I be without you in my life? :)
On another note; played soccer out at Bethany this weekend. Three things to note:
1) I am incredibly stiff and sore... the stairs up and down from the apartment are my enemy. Enemy #2: the toilet. Guys are lucky; they can just stand there and do their thing without the pain of quads screaming against the sitting down and standing up from the toilet process - now, ladies such as myself - not so lucky... dear me.
2) It is phenomenal to see old friends. Went out for brunch this morning with a bunch of ppl from my freshman class - it is so good to laugh and be real and feel joy with some of the people who made Bethany so great. I absolutely loved chillaxing at the alumni coffeehouse with people who I really only get to see annually when these tournaments come around... and even funner is making connections to see each other again sometime. Keeping in touch with people who have meant a lot to you in the past is awesome... along the same lines:
3) It is sad to see people, and to see yourself change. Sometimes it is for the better; and sometimes it's not. Either way, as time, distance, and personality growth continue there is bound to be change that will divide and cause some connections to fade. I don't think it's a matter that the initial connection wasn't real; I just think it's a fact of life. As I write this I am indeed a bit sad to think of it... but again I have to believe that life is just that - full of complexities and change. I think I'm in that age category (1 1/2 weeks until my 24th b-day) where life is really about instability and the struggle to find it. We all want to some extent to settle down a bit, to find happiness, to be challenged in new ways... how does it pan out in light of old friendships? I don't know... the quest continues.
Finally folks, I do have to say that life is just so beautiful. I am saddened and challenged constantly by what comes my way. Continually I guess the cry of my heart is that I would be OK with who I am and who I am becoming. This last year has been really, really good for discovering that; but I guess I really hope that that wouldn't end. Ever. Even on the days when I wish it would... this road to bogota of sorts really is a journey... Rock On.
I'm including some photos of a road trip I took this summer with two awesome ladies (Dana and Amy) - we had a PHE nomenal time on this trip and I really actually find myself longing for times like this again... It was good to be with them at that time. These pics are included here because I kind of appreciate my roots of late. The first photo is just me: me being me. Happy, laughing... feeling good; driving my Jeep. FUN. Next is my step dad; very cool guy... this photo was taken in a sketchy Valleyview shop when he was helping a friend out... he's so hardcore. Next is me and the Ame-ster on my porch. I used to not like that I grew up in a trailor in the sticks but this year have come to a place where I can be proud of the hard work that went into that home... we built on the addition and porch when I was 14 or 15... it was the first time in my whole life I had a room of my own... my dad even built bookshelves into the walls for me. It rocked. Now it's the TV room. My walls were long tore down. Sad. Next is me and my mam. Many moons have passed in our relationship to get it is where it is today. I never thought we would get to this place we're at these days... this is a woman with a rough past and who tries to do the best she can now. These pics are to prove that life may throw you stones, but every once in a while; there is a precious diamond in the rough. I hope I can remember that on the days that it's hardest to remember. Peace everyone. Peace.
Do you know what Dana said when I said I was blogging?
"You're writing a blog right now?"
Yes Dana, yes I am. Do you know why. Because I just got home from my two jobs... TWO. Count them. Not everyone gets some cushy job with "flex" time and prissy trips to Texas in the middle of February you know. Yeah that's right... TWO jobs.
Hehehehe... what a day. I am so grumpy. This probably won't be funny to anyone but me. Because I AM GRUMPY. Errrrr....
Just kidding. This is like my therapy. Boooooo hooooo Dana... positive blah blah blah... Just kidding. You're always so positive... You're wonderful, perfect... you never say or do anything negative or complicated. This is sounding WAY too harsh people. Really; Fern is a good person; I like living with her; life is good with Fern in it.
One of my new years resolutions is to be a more positive person. Today I failed. Thanks for pointing out my failures Fern; you never cease to know how to motivate me :) Ouch.
I shall go down now and get my laundry from the dryer.
Yes indeedily doodily my dear friendily wendily's... I vacuumed to ring in the New Year! And it was great, great, great fun!!! The Baerwald and I returned from our week long journey to meet and greet every parent, sister, brother, family member either of us know late New Year's Eve (about 10 PM). Now, originally, our plan was to hang out with some friends and ring in the NY (New Year) together; but quite frankly: I was tired. So, I vacuumed up all the heinous pine needles that had falled off the tree during my week away, got into some PJ's, tidied up my stuff from the jour-nay and laid myself on the couch and watched TV. I must say; I LOVED IT!!! NY for me is always sooooo.... boring. I'm really not into the whole idea - whoopity whoop - a NY. Boo-erns is what I gotta say. Wellll, not boo-erns, but meh. That's it - meh. I had a heck of a time all by myself... I like my self. My self is rockin. Woot woot.
Now, on to a summary of this week's journeys: Waldheim with Tim's fam was awesome! I love those Baerwalds a lot... I got a sweet ace cutting board from the ole boyfriend-ski and a minx - MINX - pair of oven mitts. Sweet. Waldheim was pretty low key I'd say - Not really too sure what else to say about it: lots of good food, good fam and goodness all around. Then we went to Edmonton to visit my dad and fam - it was sweet cuz my G-ma was out from Ontario; so I really enjoyed seeeing her AND my little nephew Aiden was out at my parents, so it was really, really sweet getting the chance to love that little guy... Plus, while we were in Edmonton we went and saw the movie: The Holiday, and I gotta say - I loved every single minute of it. I am such a girl; but it rocked. Then, the finale... and what a finale it was - Valleyview. Exposing my roots to anyone is often a nerve wracking thing... but somehow, the ole Tim-ski fit right in to my roots... it was frightening seeing how much he and my (step) dad have in common, and see how they could really go off and amuse themselves with random boy stuff for hours - I didn't have to run interference, Tim was fine alone with him, I could relax. It was nice... the boys talked motors, fed animals, propped up the carport with some ole 4 by 4 inch plywood stuff (I think?) and we cruised the countryside partying with all my parents friends. You'd think I was kidding about that last part; but that's just a sign that you've never been to Valleyview, or met my parents :)
To be home is nice. It was busy. It was nice not thinking about work, but I am equally excited to get going on some work stuff. Youth Advance is just a month away and I am ecstatic to see how stuff goes. It was on my mind a lot over the holidays... I'm ready. I'm pumped.
I'd just put on here however, that I can not sleep. Why why why? I am tired, yet my mind will not stop. The future is a scary thing. So many big decisions; how do I know which ones are the right ones? How do all my dreams mesh together? Aiy yai yai - nothing like the NY to get the mind thinking of all that is ahead hey? Next time, I am going to post some thoughts on my NY's resolutions. I am making some; I still have yet to fully think them through (and hence, I shall be a few days late in posting them...) but I assure you, the wait is worth it!
The success of love is in the loving - it is not in the result of loving. Of course it is natural in love to want the best for the other person, but whether it turns out that way or not does not determine the value of what we have done.
Mother Teresa
