| Monday, August 28, 2006 |
| The impossible blog to write! |
OK. So I've written and rewritten this blog a BILLION times. I just don't know how to say all that I want to say. Life is good right now; my only complaint is that this week was just so incredibly busy. I feel like I didn't even have a spare minute to process the billions of thoughts and emotions I had coming at me. I started my new job - it's good... lots of things to think about and process though. Not sure I want to say more until I've given it some time... have no fear, I'm sure I'll address this soon.
This week was such a mental battle regarding so much in my life. I think it climaxed in church this morning... as I sat listening to Dana's mom's (Lorna's) testimony I wept... for several reasons. Primarily; cuz God has seriously changed her life so much in this last year - hearing the healing and joy that she has experienced in these last few months was absolutely wonderful. Secondly; I wept at all the thoughts I had of areas in my life that I think I need to submit to Jesus. As the service wrapped up and the final song was sung, I prayed that I'd know how to wander back to him once more. Not that I've gone astray - in fact, I feel closer to God than I have in a long, long time... but it was moreso regarding the areas of my life that I've really tried to hold on to or that I've been unwilling to let Him work in.
I think in these last days as well, a large part of me has been focused on my heart and discovering how as a woman I am sensitive in so many ways that men aren't necessarily. Yesterday night as I drove out to Dalmeny to visit Tim while he was combining, I was once again struck at how I feel in this last couple months, God has really been molding my heart to become more and more "womanly..." I'm not even sure if this is something I want to share on here, but I think it's a part of what I'm learning, and so I shall... but seriously, it's weird to see a softening in my heart and a desire to be gentle and open with my sensitivities has begun. Before, I used to really think that I had to hide my sensitive spirit, or always put on my "brave face." I guess in a way, I feel as though I am maturing... but not just maturing maturing - I feel I'm becoming this woman. It's freaky in some ways, but excited me in others. All I know is I am excited to be this gentle, yet bold woman who firmly knows and believes that Jesus loves me immensely... that I am cherished by him and that he does have beautiful things in store for me and the old heartski.
To write this on here, I feel a little bit naked - like I'm exposing a part of me that people don't normally see. But I think it's good, it's OK. It's necessary... |
posted by Erica @ 4:31 p.m.  |
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| Saturday, August 19, 2006 |
| Things I Been Thinking Bout.... |
Welp; I've been at sport camps out at Bethany for this last week... it's been interesting. I was the speaker for the last week, and will be doing the same for next week. it's been really challenging actually. You think it looks so easy and it's really quite easy to criticize a sermon or a session. But then you're up there, and all you want is for your thoughts to somehow make sense to those listening. My repeated prayer has simply been that God can use my words and seriously speak into the minds of those campers, because I feel so inadequate to make it make sense.
Dana and I had a heinous good God talk last night. Two main ideas came out of it: one; hokie pick that we believers would behave in the world what we claim to believe. If we all just lived different lives - imagine the impact we could truly have on this world. And secondly; how minx and amazing is it that God works in our lives; blessing, teaching, loving, BEING. Dang.
Lebanon. Seriously; I was there in 2000 for my Grade 12 soccer finals and everytime I think about the whole Israel-Lebanon thing I wonder if my host family is OK; they were WONDERFUL people!!! I wonder how the streets that I walked in with my friends are still in one piece. I wonder if the words on the front of one of the hotels we saw are still there; "Finally the day will come when they see, we are all one." I wonder. I wonder.
Life is good people. As I've been speaking at camp on this idea of seizing each moment; of living life to the fullest, of going non-stop after Godly attributes I've been challenged in how I live... I honestly desire to live this life. Can you imagine the day it all ends; being able to look back and say, "dang, I'm glad I took that risk, loved that person, praised God for that weird little blessing..."
I enjoy these days. Pray for me as I'm speaking again this next week; I'm nervous, but excited! Praise be. God is good! |
| posted by Erica @ 7:33 p.m. |
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| Monday, August 14, 2006 |
| Needing a good vent-o Session! |
Anyhoo; today I found myself frustrated with my fellow brothers and sisters... at the Claw, a group of people who had OBVIOUSLY just come from church came in, and one woman in particular treated their server, my friend Fiorella, with particular disdain. Can I express how frustrated I am????? Holy toledo people - do you think you aren't preaching the gospel wherever you go 24/7...??? Let me tell you how it is in the service industry. Quite frankly, everyone I work with hates working Sundays. Hates. It is impossible to get rid of a Sunday shift - no one else will take it. Do you want to know why?
"The churchies" as they call us.
I am so very frustrated right now. Can you imagine if the millions of people who attend church each Sunday all across the globe actually left the pews afterwards and put what they'd heard into action? HONESTLY people; can you imagine the difference we could make on this world??? Am I right to be so frustrated? Probably not; we all have misrepresented our Jesus and the core of the Gospel and God's love many many times; me to be included in that...
However, I do feel as though today was a reminder to myself that I am an example 24/7... I cannot be "Jesus-like" when it suits me, 24/7 He is within me, 24/7 God's love that He has shown me that I might show others is within me. I am soooo far from this, but today was another realization of my desire to change that and to challenge others to do the same.
Rudeness, pissy-ness, and the like have no place in our expressions towards others. "Shine Jesus Shine..." Seriously; consider ourselves confronted - Jesus is here now; what difference has he made in your life? Shouldn't we all be showing that to those who have yet to discover the wealth of love and forgiveness he offers?
PS: Continue reading the next post, as it is very relavent and recent as well; this just needed expression... |
| posted by Erica @ 12:27 a.m. |
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| Saturday, August 12, 2006 |
| The End of a Something... |
Red Lobster - "The Claw" - as it were. Yes, it is true. I have relinquished my position within Darden Restaurants Ltd. The time I spent at The Claw was really quite awesome people. I would be lying to say there weren't moments of greatness, tears, frustration and joy. I love love love love love showing the children lobsters, I totally enjoy a bunch of my co-workers; they have come to be quite dear, and more than anything, I love being in the world. There were many aspects I absolutely detested, and often I marvel at the daily trials and tests on my patience, endurance, potty mouth, and other assorted elements of working in the service industry. I have been treated shoddily by both guest and company, but I have also been blessed in blessing others. Am I sad to be leaving? Yes and No. Yes for the people I will leave there, no for what is ahead of me... yes because I worry I am abandoning a part of being in the world, and no because I detest the organization of that restaurant... Ah, my roller coaster heart!
What do I move on to? Welp; hienous good news! I got a job with Global Gathering Place, which is a non-profit organization working with refugees and immigrants here in S'toon. Basically it's my dream job, and when I know more about what exactly I"ll be doing, I'll let you know - I start the 29th!
Other news; life here at Appleby Drive is NUTSSSS lately! Please be praying for both Dana and I, and especially for this community. Dana is running her Chalo groups (refugee short term learning and observance opportunity) for a youth group from Coaldale this week and next week one from Altona, MB... I am speaking out at Bethany Sport Camps for the next two weeks and quite frankly; something weird is in the air around here. These last two nights have been filled with shouting and craziness in the streets and as freaky deaky as it sounds, I wonder what spiritually is going on. Please pray; for the youth groups, for Dana (strength, energy and time to accomplish everything) for me (wisdom, direction, peace) and for the people that live here in our community (refugees, the poor, our managers, the children).
Oh that the joy in my heart and the hope for the future could be stretched to cover all the dreams I hold within me! May you all feel a bit of His peace and rest today. Do something that He would do today; love someone a little deeper, speak a word of kindness, sit by a friend and listen to their heart... may we all continue learning together and becoming more sensitive (in a positive manner!) together. |
| posted by Erica @ 11:38 p.m. |
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| Thursday, August 03, 2006 |
| Update! |
So; crazy long time, I know. It's just that life in these days has been rather occupied with some awesome goods! Last week, Amy Dana and I headed off on Vay Kay 06 - and had an amazing (at least in my mind) time... Edmonton and Valleyview were uniquely surprised and pleased by our whirlwind tour of my childhood... I offer the following photos from our journey to amuse and delight...
Dana and Amy and the horse...
Mom and I....
Us after tooooo much driving!
Scratch tickets with my mom at the Esso truck stop - Booyeah!
Aside from Vay Kay 06 goodness, I have been working again... man, was it nice to have a break from the Claw. Don't get me wrong - I so very muchly enjoy everyone that I work with... however, I must say that I am not so pleased with having the whole "my life is ruled by shiftwork" thing going on. More and more, as stuff comes into my life I am feeling confused at how to balance it all - Appleby Drive, work, Dana and intentional community, work... holy toledo days are full and I just don't know how to go about it all.
However, on a different note; can I talk about how cool it is to feel so complete and so good in where I am in life? Shoot. I am blessed - there is no denying God's goodness in my life. His goodness isn't marked by what is good in my life or what I am blessed in, but by the fact that this peace in my belly is deeper than anything I've known in quite some time. Good things come in this life - when it feels like there is no good, my encouragement would be to keep hoping. These last few months have been a time of crying out to Him about the things I haven't been able to understand. While I still can't understand why He works the way He does, I know that I am glad I faced the challenges with an open heart and went before Him with that open heart, those hard questions, and the many tears.
Oh yeah; I forgot! I bought a new car (Err.... I mean, truck - sorry Tim!); here's a pic
Seriously; isn't is HOT!? Genevieve the Jeep say HELLO to the world!
Peace to all out there! Sorry it's been so long, but have no fear - I am not, indeed, dead. |
| posted by Erica @ 9:13 a.m. |
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Name: Erica
Home: Saskatoon, Saskatchewan
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The success of love is in the loving - it is not in the result of loving. Of course it is natural in love to want the best for the other person, but whether it turns out that way or not does not determine the value of what we have done.
Mother Teresa |
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